Big, Fat Liar

I told the biggest, loudest, most outlandish lie this week – and got away with it.

Not only did I get away with it, I was applauded for my incredulous whopper by the 14 people within earshot.

The subject of my fraudulent tale was a wombat named Augustus; a sorry critter whose life hung in the balance after he wandered onto a desolate highway in front of our 4WD in Australia’s outback.

It was up to me to shut off the bright white light that was shining right at Augustus from the entrance to the big burrow in the sky.

Despite repeated attempts at CPR on the hairy little sucker (mouth-to-mouth included) and a purler of a repair job on his flailed chest, I failed.

Augustus succumbed and walked away arm-in-paw with the Wombat angels, leaving behind nothing but his furry corpse and an additional number on the annual roadkill stat file.

You see, that is the point of a Toastmasters Tall Tales contest. She/he who comes up with the craziest, fattest lie wins!

There is no better fun that a journalist can have, except of course, unless he/she is propped up at the bar of the local seedy watering-hole throwing back pints in a bid to get a front-page lead.

It was only my 3rd official Toastmasters meeting, so I took additional pride in being applauded for taking out first place in what amounts to a lying contest. (The kids are so proud of their Mummy.)

But even better than being applauded the first time for this great white lie, was the fact that I was invited to sprout my gibberish again in front of an even bigger audience!

That is when I go on to compete against 10 other big fat liars in the Northern Beaches Tall Tales Contest.

Shoot be a hoot – so long as my nose doesn’t grow.

* No animals were harmed in the making of this blog.

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